Mindfulness, Inner Peace, and Parenthood: A Journey of Love and Letting Go
Ram Dass once shared a quote that always brings a smile to my face: "If you think you are enlightened, go spend a few weeks with your parents." As a perpetual student of spiritual growth, I wholeheartedly resonate with this sentiment, especially considering my role as a mother to three teenage girls, ages 13, 15 and 18. Balancing the practice of mindfulness with the responsibilities of parenthood can present its fair share of challenges. It tests our beliefs and values, pushing us to find harmony amidst the beautiful chaos.
On one hand, I strive to release resistance and control, reminding myself that my daughters are unique souls on their own sacred paths. There's a saying that often floats in my mind, and I must admit I don't remember who said it: "They came through you, not to you." It's a gentle reminder that my purpose is not to change them into who I think they should be, but to honor their individual journeys.
But let's be real for a moment—parenthood is a total rollercoaster ride filled with ups and downs, loop de loops and even going backwards sometimes. And a part of my identity, a part of who I am, is a mom. This part of me is intrinsically intertwined with nurturing and guiding them. Stepping back and allowing them to make their own mistakes can be heart-wrenching, especially when I believe they may be making unwise choices. Naturally, I don't want them to experience pain and suffering, but I long for them to lead lives filled with joy and fulfillment.
It is so important to remember that our purpose as parents is not to control and direct their lives. Instead, we must trust in the universe and let go, embracing the wisdom of surrender. Our role is to provide unwavering love and support, regardless of the circumstances. When they were young, our tasks revolved around nourishing, bathing, loving, reading, and soothing them. We modeled love and compassion in their presence.
But the universe has this funny way of reminding us that our children are not mini versions of ourselves, but beautifully unique beings. There comes a point when they too step into their power and begin their own unique journey of self-discovery. While boundaries and consequences are essential, we must grant them the freedom to become the person they are destined to be. Of course, our guidance and advice will continue, especially when they ask (and sometimes when they don’t.)
In moments when feelings of control, anger, or resentment surface, I have discovered the power of practicing loving-kindness or Metta meditation. It works wonders if you find yourself in conflict with or because of your child. Finding a comfortable position, I take a few deep cleansing breaths, and with each exhale, I send love and compassion to my daughters, and then I extend this same kindness towards myself. I repeat the following words, but feel free to use any phrases that resonate with you.
"May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, may you live life with ease."
Engaging in relaxed breathing, I repeat these words of loving-kindness not only towards them but also towards myself. After about ten minutes of this practice, a profound sense of connection emerges. I recognize them as fellow human beings, as living beings of light, and I am reminded that our journeys are intertwined but separate.
As we navigate through the challenges of mindfulness and parenthood, remember to hold space for both love and laughter. Amidst the challenges, the sleepless nights, and the occasional eye-rolling, may we find solace in the power of presence, and may our hearts be filled with unwavering love, compassion, and the occasional belly laugh.
